SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
