Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
what is it with giant penises always finding me
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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