Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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