i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Randomize
