Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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