when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
