I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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