They should really pass out barf bags in church
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
