I wish I only lived at night.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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