if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
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