I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
