Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
