Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
