TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
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