what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize