I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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