I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
