I'm eating all of the evidence.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
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I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
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I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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