She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
