Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
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