This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
