in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
So apparently I’m into choking now
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