Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
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