direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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