I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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