Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
