I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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