I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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