she looked like the before picture.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
