Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
