Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
