I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I think i got beer on your cat.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
