maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
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