The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
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I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
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steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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