I love black thongs
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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