please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
