yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Sorry my hands just texted you
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
