all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
