I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
