There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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