after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
