Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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