Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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