you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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