why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
