google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
