I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
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i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I just want nice things and good sex
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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