Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
