oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
