No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
