just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
