theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
you win again, gameday.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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