you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
