i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I have so many feelings about this burrito
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
