He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Less talking, more tequila
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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