Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
My feet surprised me
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
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