A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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