Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
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He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
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I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.